Derd Newsletter

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You know you are a derd when .....

you own any album released in the 1980ís on cassette and CD, specifically by AC/DC, The Dire Straits, Metallica or Bon Jovi

you have ever worn deck shoes, with sweat pants

you have ever added a motor to a vehicle, that does not specify use of a motor

you have ever worn cowboy boots in public

you have worn basketball shorts and a beater to church

you own any clothing made in the 1980ís, specifically Converse sweat pants or white high-top sneakers

you drive the wrong way down a one way street and think that everyone who is yelling at you to turn around simply thinks you are "the bomb"

you have ever used rolls of pennies to pay for something over ten dollars

you have ever purchased any product made of styrofoam

you have used the pun "hot male" in your @hotmail address.(such as Anthony)

you wear your Ski-Doo or Nascar coat and matching hat to school

you say "slacks" referring to pants, "saltines" referring to soda crackers, "tunic" referring to anything, or "overshoes" referring to boots

you know every word to every song Metallica has ever released, and some they have not yet released

you refer to "Tommy Boy" as a social commentary

you stand with one foot touching the ground and the other with a leg bent sitting on an elevated surface with your hands resting on it.(you gotta know this stance)

Off-road vehicle, need we say more?

you have ever worn a car air freshener, or wiped your body down with wetnaps as opposed to bathing

you would literally murder someone for liking Nellyís "Take a ride wit me" or any P.Diddy song

you believed, and spread even one stupid rumor you heard about Marilyn Manson

"Mullet", "Shortie-Long-Back", or "Iím at work in the front but partying in the back", regardless of what you call it, if you have had this haircut.

you have grown a neck beard.(The mullet of facial hair)

you carry electrical tape in your pocket

you have seen every single "Dukes of Hazzard" episode, and the movie which hasnít yet been made

you own a cactus

you cruise town in your Toyota Corolla with your "too cool for this planet" baseball cap, a white perspiration-stained tank top, short-pants, and no footwear with your arm out the window tapping the car while you listen and sing along on your 9000 watt stereo to Paul Simonís 1986 release of "You Can Call Me Al" while you use your car horn to simulate the trumpet sounds in the opening of the song and you give every girl you pass the wink and the gun, followed by a Fonz-Like "Aaayyy!"

you run, know the person running it, you've heard about it, or been to the web domain

- Thanks to derds in training Bob, Adrian, and Anthony for contributing this list

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